Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
