I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
