the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
