OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
