I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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