hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just pee around me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
