Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
