i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
