chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
