just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
