If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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