And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
