Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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