He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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