She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
