what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
