Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
