I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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