Just fell off a train. Bad.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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