btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
