the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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