And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He shit in the fireplace
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
