she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
