So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
