Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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