YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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