we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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