Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
