He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
