The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
