That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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