I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
