Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
