Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
