he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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