Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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