your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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