I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
