then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
