Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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