I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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