I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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