I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
