You were right. It hurts to walk today.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
