At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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