idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
