Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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