I think I won the penis lottery.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
