i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
