So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
