your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
